Field diary .
This is the first day of lectures and I am already finding it a really creative experience, I flitter between a variety of ideas for my final project. As Henrietta Moore states in still life, that culture is an “ art of living” I want to apply this to my project; hopefully expressing what life is in all its failures and complexities.
I was inspired by the following link, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw6EsAQDnRw
Because of the different angle of filming, from a perspective that is arguably not available to us, furthermore I like the role of music in film, perhaps adding onto Feld’s concept of soundscapes, sound creating the environment we life within and enable us to participate with the world around us.
On the other hand, I am struck by th profundity of having a voice over and having disconnected images creating a film that really strikes you and has an impact. The use of Charlie Chaplin’s speech over images that are striking, show aspects of the human condition that are difficult to watch in their trueness. It’s the link of music, the build of the song that creates purposeand movement in the film and I want to incorporate this is my final project, though I think I will go with classical pieces, such as Chopin whose music has guided me when I have needed it.
I want my visual anthropology and project to communicate the personal aspect of antrhology, invite viewers into my world and let them explore what I feel defines me as demonstrated via visual apparatus.
Furthermore, inspired by the work of don mccullin , the act of memory, and photos being a snapshot in history is really striking; I always wonder when I realised what life was, the movemnt between two pillars ( heidigger) of birth and death but after the deaths of my grandparents I have come to realise that my time is finite and I will be a memory to someone, when I am no longer here. I will film to preserve my memory.
This picture was striking because it was at the collection of what this person was, the things that they have that define him in his death, he has no name, but he is an image, and a collection of things, representations.
I have been a bit worried that my topic will be thought to be narcissistic. That is not my aim but I can understand why people may dislike my topic because it seems very self-involved. Went out with the girls last night and thought this is not completely relevant, I realised how important it was to embrace everything now and not worry, this is something that I had to learn during the last few years when I was diagnosed. I need to be comfortable in my own skin and not care about expressing myself in some very dubious dance moves.
In relation to my topic, this week I started to film with the GoPro when running. It is really useful I managed to rent one for a week for £60 approx. and I am using it to film myself when running. I want to create a montage effect, slicing together a weeks’ worth of runs, so I am trying to get a range of times and places ; Colchester, the 5 mile route I do by the University, my home in Suffolk perhaps. I want to get the effect of time passing me by and my contemplation. I do worry about the footage being shaky but then again I can’t help this, if I wanted it to be a straight shot with little to no movement I would have to film from a stationary object like a car and that is not the aim of the footage. I want it to be real, not pretence or fabricated. There are issues with the rain blocking the lens, I do not mind involving one of these images but I want the majority to be clear shots.
I am hoping to overlap these images with music and my own recordings of my mum, myself and my CBT sessions. In order to do this I need to complete ethics forms; even though I am not making my participants do anything untoward, I still need to do this as a requirement of the course.
This overlapping has really interested, particularly the concept of mixing in music. When listening to Daft Punk Giovanni Giorgio track, I liked the fact that the song is both a montage, and a beat; a track with music and rhythm but it’s also an interview.
I am hoping to imitate this when editing. However I want to try and mix the sound of a pop song and that of classical as both have an important relation to me. Classical music is something that I use to focus, relax and take away my anxiety, it is also inspiring however I use pop music to inspire me when running, to direct and drive my body. When using this music over my running clips I want to convey the movement of my body, my footsteps with the beat and the journey that I go through using the music. This sense of overlap also links to my favourite YouTube video of Charlie Chaplin’s speech over a classical piece.
I have been considering some pieces on the piano of Earl Wild, Fantastistucke a clarinet piece played by my mother, Daft Punk mixes and Jesus and Mary Chain; all the songs have a symbolism that makes them relevant to a discussion of my depression. Earl Wild’s piano music is uplifting and piano music has always been part of my life – my grandmother played, my mother, myself. Fantastistuke was my favourite piece when I was studying the clarinet, it has these moments of quietude that lead to a crescendo and I feel like this describes life – life is full of those moments, the cups of tea and hours driving to and from places which don’t ‘meaning’ anything but by performing these small roles you are becoming the individual you are today, reading this. Daft Punk as this is mainly what I listen to when running and Jesus and Mary Chain “ Just like honey” , this is a song at the end of one of my favourite films; one of the moments I learnt that our experiences with others are fleeting and therefore we should make the most out of every encounter. This is also inspired my tattoo; ichigo ichie.
I found this link to a site with pictures of an elderly couple; this sense of continuity in self and the changing world around us is something that I want to relfect in my piece.
Started to film my project and record. There are some issues in the movement of the gopro but I do not think I can go around this, I need to film and I shall have to incorporate and acknowledgement this movement and the way that it can reflect parts of the footage in a beneficial way. I will try and state the shift of the body as making a natural performative piece. The gopro is useful but when it rains filming becomes incredibly difficult so I have had to allow for this and try and plan filming times around the weather.
I am considering adding other shots to my piece, like acoustemology ( feld) I want to elaborate on the space and make the audience feel like they are participating and within my piece, therefore I want to shots to show not only the individual but the background. I have been considering the work of landscape photographers in this, making sure I have foreground shots of plants, looking at the textures within the image, those of water, leaves, the atmosphere. I think texturing my film will make it appeal to the audience and be involving. Today I intend to record my speech, testing volume level and the syncopation of my voice and how this will add to the film and test the speech’s relevance.
Narratives from the Crib ed Katherine Nelson. Harvard University Press 1989
Chapter 2 Monologue as Narrative Recreation of the World. J. Bruner and J. Lucariello p. 78-97
Yesterday I was inspired when walking through the park; I saw birds flying around me and I was inspired by their shadowy movements on the ground in front of me. Today I intend on filming this hopefully, probably around 9am so I can get the full range of movement as they flock around the park eating the leftovers that kids have left on the way to school. I would like to incorporate these images into my film as part of the uplifting and inspirational aspect of the film. I want to convey that fact that even if I suffer from depression I am still inspired by things everyday, tiny things such as tea, an image, humming, the shadows formed by wings. All of it gives me a sense of being in the world and wanting to continue to be in the world and that is an essential part of my recovery.
Furthermore today I am going to start trying to edit film, a practice film, to see how well I can convey a sense of the person I am feeling and conveying a mood, from my shots. I will later upload this film to this blog. I want to use the footage of Alex’s grandad Bert talking about meeting his wife, Ettie who now has dementia. I want to mix together music from youtube and try and make the piece both fun and genuine.
This week I will starting to edit and segment my footage together. I have already started to mark which parts of the clip I want to use and I will later begin putting this all together. Though I have discovered that I need some more footage that is not me talking or running, I want to film birds as that is something I find very peaceful and I think it would help metaphorically back up my film’s message of being about moving forwards and being part of the here and now : present.
I will have to film this tomorrow as the footage I thought I had already done has been lost. So I will get up early tomorrow morning and go down to the local park with a load of bread in the hopes that I can get some good shots. That or this weekend I will have to try and go to bird watching areas in Suffolk to film relevant footage. I am also trying to find some other music pieces to use. I still want to use Schubert’s Fantasiestucke with Mum playing the clarinet, but it depends if it fits with the rest of the footage that I have.
Tried to film birds today but a dog stole the bread I was using to lure them towards me. I also am rethinking this concept, I want it to be more personal, especially after watching part of the Moon Inside You, I want to involve myself more so I want to bring in some of my day to day coping mechanisms, drinking tea and doing my makeup, tiny things that are insignificant to an outside observer but play a vital role in how I go about my day. Also my pill taking in the morning, therefore tomorrow I am going to film those bits. I handed back the camcorder and want to try and use my digital camera to see the difference in filming and whether it adds more detail in close-up shots.
I began to edit film today, there was such a lot of footage that I had nearly 4 hours that I have managed to cut down to 30 minutes and next week I will begin to edit it to 10 minutes and order the scenes. After watching The Moon Inside You, I have decided to arrange the scenes in a different way. I think I will begin the film with a black screen with the title and atmos, for a few seconds , which I will probably record at Alex’s house with noises of the dog and his Mum and then enter my audio, me talking about my depression before then beginning the segment with the shots of me taking my pills in the morning and then doing my makeup. I want to give a sense of everyday life and my routine then breaking this up with a shot of me running, the sideways one with me wearing purple. I aim to use this shot for a minute in all, with an audio that describes how it feels when I am running and the initial impact of it on my life. Then I want to then fade out of this scene and link to the scene of Mum and I walking. With the audio for this I aim to use the audio of the film over the top to enhance the volume quality as unfortunately the recording that I took earlier was not loud enough. That or I will conduct research as to what software I can download that will enhance the audio.
I am currently watching Gravity and it is inspiring as to the use of monologue and atmos to create a sense of place in the film and explore the characters and how they are formed through the film. The film does not appear to be driven by action and high pace events, but the discussions that the characters have is particularly important as they carry the story. It is the support the characters lend to creating the scene and developing the storyline that I aim to imitate in my film. Today I am filming some of the shots of me taking pills and doing my makeup on my Panasonic camera as the zoom is very good and I want to work with a different type of recording equipment to perhaps break up the style of filming. I like some of the shots but I will try and recreate this on Friday using Dave’s camcorder to see if I can make it better.
Today I filmed some of my face and taking pills but I am ridiculously pale so I am going to use Dave’s camera to see whether or not the textures of my skin etc come across better.
I am going to put in some scenes that are the most inspirational, whether the narrative, monologue or storyline.
I like this scene especially because of the use of the sunset in the background implies the moving forward of the characters, the distance from the shore and distance from the storyline that has gone through the whole of the film.
Jules Winfield (Samuel L. Jackson) and Vincent Vega (John Travolta) are two hitmen out on a job. Right before Jules executes his target, Brett (Frank Whale), he looks him in the eyes and recites a biblical passage. Later on in the film, Jules recites the same passage to Ringo (Tim Roth), who is holding up the diner that they are in.
Jules: There’s this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. ‘The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.’ I been saying that shit for years. And if you heard it, that meant your ass. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this morning made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking, maybe it means you’re the evil man, and I’m the righteous man, and Mr. 9 millimeter here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is, you’re the weak, and I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.
Before you say it, no, I haven’t picked this speech because Jules Winfield is the epitome of cool. I have chosen it because it is used different times and for different purposes in Pulp Fiction.
In the first instance, Jules is a powerful figure, towering over Brett and delivering vengeance. We think “shit…this guy means business.”
In the second instance, we hear the same speech again, but we are now in the bathroom of Brett’s apartment with one of Brett’s quaking friends. Hearing the speech in this way, and seeing this other guy’s confused reaction to it, makes us re-evaluate what we have heard. Does it even make sense? We were too busy being mesmerized by Jackson’s performance to actually think about what he was saying.
In this third and final instance, Jules has undergone a spiritual transformation and he even re-evaluates the passage. It makes him reflect on the meaning that is missing from his life. So, it isn’t quite the speech itself that is important, but how in represents Jules’ transformation.
This last scene is the most significant as the touching speech, the use of black and white footage makes the drama and narrative all the more striking. Furthermore the monologue is impassioned and the emotion that is held within the words is something that I wanted to imitate in my film.
Today I edited my film down to 14minutes and I will do the last 4 minutes tomorrow. Had a bit of trouble with Windows Movie Maker as I needed to make sure that all the files I had used were from the same folder or something as it was marking them as broken.
I am still looking to record my heartbeat but its really difficult to do it. I found this app but the sound is so tinny and fake I don’t want to use it.
I think I will try again tomorrow after my run and see if it is any louder.
Otherwise I am considering using http://www.findsounds.com/ISAPI/search.dll this website to see if the sound is good from there as well. Or I found this recording on youitube which may be useful too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTtzw6Q8mgI
I really love the idea of hearing heartbeats which was first identified by Bassett with EFM monitors. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcAMpMEtXJU I was looking at fetal dopplers. I have found afew so I need to figure out where I am going to fit in the audio now and how this will add to the visual element of my film. I just want to be as representative of my topic as I can be without seeming to be seeking sympathy or making it so personal its uncomfortable.
I tried to use the heartbeat recordings that I download online but they didn’t seem to fit very well and wouldn’t work. I will try and record my own again using a microphone and see if it works, but I need to find software that will allow me to overlap the sounds. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101128142652AAIKqrP
I found this in a forum and am considering using it later on, however a lot of the forums state that I will be unable to overlap the tracks so I will have to find a way to make my audio and filmed footage work together. I have edited down to 10 minutes and am now working on compiling together the promo piece, a two minute segment that will be used as a preview for audiences. I think I will use different shots to the ones that I have used in the film. I got this idea from watching trailers for films; often they use segments of footage that are never in the actual film to create a more rounded impression of what the film is about, and a further sneak preview as seen in Anchorman 2 trailers compared to the film ( they use jokes that are not in the film, so really the trailer is like a mini version of the film).
I have been trying to download something that will enable me to overlap sound, but actually it may just to easier to use adobe premiere stuff that we have been practising with in class. So I will be trying to use it later on tonight , a couple of hours working on it hopefully downloading my stuff using dropbox or onedrive and accessing it on the school lab computers that way I can see if my project looks better using that or not. I am also aiming to get my film viewed by some people this week – Alex, Mum and Colin to get a better feel of how my film will be perceived as I want it to be representative of my journey with depression and interesting. I also need to complete my trailer this week as I just realised that I only have 4 weeks left to finish everything I need to and time is a-ticking.
I got the girls in the house to watch my film for me yesterday to tell me which bits were boring or didn’t quite fit properly and it was really useful. Shakira suggested I move around some of the narration so that it flowed better and I have to admit it really work so that was adapted, and then she also suggested that I put an image at the end of me as I am now happy, so I think I will take a picture this weekend and do that. I will probably get Alex to take it for me or something or maybe I will involve him in it with me because he is such a huge part of my life. I found it so constructive to get other people to watch my film and tell me their honest thoughts; I am glad that they liked it though and they didn’t feel that it was boring so I feel better about now using Adobe Premiere. I think that Windows Media Player is a bit more old-school but I like it because its not as though I am overdoing the editing process, I am not being obsessed with how it looks stylistically, instead it is about the topic of study, and that is what I think is all the more significant; making sure it is relevant, valid and honest.
This weekend I took some shots for the end of the film. I wanted to try and embody the feeling of being secure and safe in my own skin, to make the picture intimate without being cheesy. I have shots of me grinning at the camera but I wanted to express the fact I am happy now because I am content and I feel this was best reflected with an image of Molly and I, lying on the floor with the camera above giving a sense of intimacy, being involved in my personal space and time, and the lighting being subdued. I wanted the shot to feel natural, and when I used flash or a lot of lighting I felt like the setting seemed to fake and posed, rather than comfortable and natural. I was looking at websites too to see what I should put in my credits.
I used this yahoo forum to help me sort out what I should involve. As I filmed, directed, edited and wrote the film myself I didn’t need to thank anyone, but I need to write up a thank you to my mum and Alex for helping me and supporting me in the process and mention the use of Jesus and Mary Chain music throughout it. I completed my trailer today as well, and decided to use a quote tha I found online about depression, implying how what we see from the outside does not always reflect what is going inside the mind of anyone – there are layers to people, layers that have to be unwrapped to understand your own and others humanity. I like to feel my film is beginning to unpeel my layers and hopefully demonstrate depression, not as something that is all encompassing, but a stage and process in my life that has made me who I am and is in fact something I should be proud of because it has strengthened me.
I had my last CBT session today. And yet again it struck me that Mary has had such an impact on my life but I will most likely never see her again. It makes me sad and motivates me even more to show my film to others; maybe I too can have a similar effect on someone else’s life. I am going to try and upload my film later on I think.
When trying to upload my films I had slight problems. To begin with Viemo stated that the film was too small, so I went back to Windows Movei Maker and pressed save as Movie, but doing so meant that it was now too big to upload to vimeo so instead I have used youtube instead, as this means that it is still accessible for everyone, perhaps easier to embed on my blog and still a digital copy of the film. I know that I was meant to use Vimeo but I have encountered problems and have just found it easier doing this. I have also uploaded my trailer which the link is there http://youtu.be/pmPRQcdTMxU
Later on today I will start to get screenshots of the footage, to link into my blog.
Watch my film on the link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu974pdcuUs23/03/2014
Today I launched my first ever blog. This is the link to the site with additional links to sites that are relevant to my film. https://nommi4628.wordpress.com/